WHY have I been so afraid of my own skin?

and of being my purpose? And who was I in thinking it was anything less than excellence?

God speaks to me.

About all things but now I am open to hearing the purpose of His dream for me in those soft tones only my heart has ears for.

I'm free

And this is what the weight of that reality feels like.

I've seen it so much in other people's spirits, 

but how I was deceived in thinking that their freedom was mine.

It was real freedom I saw, but it wasn't meant for me.

Papa you ALONE have the key that unlocks the secrets of my heart

So here I am...on the cliff

I'm outside the cage, but unsure if I'm ready to fly

I don't know what it feels like

God, I'm ready to submit to the vastness of the unexpected that flows out of the marriage of Your Spirit and my flesh.

With a God so infinite, my soul becomes infinite. 

But am I ready for eternity?

Am I ready to feel loved at the core of who I am?

I have never been so afraid.

But I'm going to step off this damn cliff afraid if that's what it takes,

because the fear in my desire for more feels better than any sense of wholeness I had in the cage.

So take my heart, and search it.

Hold it God and keep it close to your warm chest.

Thank you for hearing my call Abba that screamed from the depths of who I am before my ears heard these aches.

Thank you for creating me for adventure and risk.

My voice was not made for safety, nor my wings for the shore.

Thank you for desiring my song more than I do, and for taking care of me.

I will be free.

And I won't be afraid.

Because feeling the warmth of your being is enough to allure me into the danger of who you have made me to be.